they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
