Sry I called you an 8
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
