watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
