Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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