So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
