he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
