she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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