btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
