Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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