The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
