Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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