and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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