She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
