Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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