Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
