this boner is exhausting
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
