Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
