She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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