i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
