does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
