walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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