if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
