Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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