She's JV to your varsity
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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