I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
