it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
