when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love black thongs
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
