haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
