Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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