Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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