you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
