so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
