I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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