She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
