she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
