I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
