After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
