Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
