When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I know her cup size but not her name....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
