Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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