8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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