OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
