I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
