Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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