She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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