we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
