Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
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