Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
