defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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