Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
