i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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