so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
