I bet he comes in French.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
