he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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