see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
