she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
