Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
