we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
