he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
